Tag Archives: Post-Grad

The shoes store

23 Sep

On september 15, I had an interview for a low salary job at a shoe’s store. I went there and the lady never shook my hand, greeted me in an informal way. So she just ask why I left the grocery store job that I had 4 years ago. Then she said that in october and november, people don’t come to the mall. She said that she couldn’t give me more than 10 hours a week. I was like okay, 10 hours a week when I have to pay 520 $ to my mom and the bus pass cost 70 $. So she said that I needed to be available 7 days a week and the job would start on October 3. She said that she would call me on September 26. The interview was 10 min long.

I left and cried silently in the public bathroom. Then came back home and went to bed.

5 months, 2 days

23 Sep

That’s the amount of time that I have been looking for a job. I don’t know if I have strength anymore. I had my periods 2 times last month and I didn’t have them yet this month. It has never happened before.

I try to be positive but nothing happen. Sometimes I wish I just could go away one week on a desert island, be with myself and sleep.

I’m so not proud, I did nothing during the last 5 months. I could have got in shape. No instead I’m 13 pounds over what I Want to weight.

I want to go out but I don’t have a lot of money anymore and I’m using my credit card a lot.

Friends don’t want to hear about your problems, so I try to cry when I’m on the shower and then I feel a little bit better after.

I feel so lonely.

I saw my dad for the last time yesterday. I won’t see him until March, and I guess It might be a good thing. I was so mad when he told me ; come on, I don’t work and no money is coming in. I was like are you kidding me ?? You are leaving for a 6 months vacations.

Then my love life ; I’m so happy that I woke up just in time. Last time, with the other guy, people were giving me advice and I didn’t listen to them. I decided to listen this time. I still speak a little bit to mister internet love but when I say ”speak”, I mean commenting each other statut. I did discover why he was single ; he spend all his time at work. I saw our mutual friend last sunday who told me how much of a sweetheart he was, but he is married to his job. So no thanks, but If I see him at a party, I will speak to him.

So I guess, I have to wait and try to keep my mental and physical health.

 

Job hunting part ???

24 Aug

Okay so since my main concern in my life right now is to have money to eat, I decided that I would be looking for a part-time so I could still go at my hr interviews. So I sent to my resume to groceries store, home depot walmart, and all that kind of places. Only one called me ; The Best western to be a receptionist. I went to the interview, I was so happy.

So when I get there, I asked for the guy, and the first thing he say to me, oh hi, whats your name ? and he started to search for my resume…Then he never looked at me in the eyes, never asked me questions about me and he was complaining about the hotel hahahaha. So I asked him a few more questions and he said that he would call me back. I told him that I wanted to work there because I might go back to school. That’s a complete lie, but I won’t get a job if I say : well I just take your shitty job so I can pay the bills and when I will find something better, I will leave.

So he called me back and told me that he didn’t pick me because the hr women wanted to pick the other candidate but he will keep my resume. It was a voice mail message so I think that the real reason is that the lazy in hr probably saw my college degree and might be scare that I want her place someday.

Then at AON, the guy was on the attack mood ; He was nearly making me feel bad because I’m living outside of the big city asking me an idiot question like Wow you arrived this morning for the interview ? You left your house this morning ? and he was damn serious and not joking. Then after he was telling me I was misspelling some word In french I said : Donc il s’agit d’une embauche massive comme lorsqu’on embauche les hôtesse de l’air au Hyatt. He said : C’EST PAS DES HÔTESSE DE L’AIR C’EST DES AGENTS DE BORD. Like I used the word Sky waitress instead of flight attendant. In french we use both words, but one of the 2 is a slang I guess.

Then the last part was where he said : Here a tip for the next interview : When you said that working at welfare gave you a great training. Don’t say that because we don’t know if you have been on welfare or if you worked there ? I was like wtf. Even if I had been on welfare in the past, that’s not a crime, most of the people don’t choose to be on welfare, it’s the last place where they can get food.

I think that my problem right is that I don’t have enough experience for a job in hr and my bachelor degree doesn’t help me to get a low paying job because they know that I will leave when I can. But I mean, what can I do ? remove everything on my resume ? What will I say when they will ask me what i have done in the last 2 years ?

I don’t think I’m the problem, because I nearly got a job as an hr coordinator, full time 40k, It was between me and another candidate. I take it as a positive experience because  I nearly got the job, I didn’t suck too much. On the resume that I sent I think that 20 on 115 were for job asking for a 1 years experience. So that don’t give me a lot of chances.

But what am I suppose to do ?? I won’t get a job neither at the grocery store or neither in hr ?? I guess I will continue to wait but I damn need 260 $ each 2 weeks + all my expenses.

I have my health and a house, I thank life for that

 

101 questions to myself

14 Aug

I read many blogs but I really love the Personal Excellence Blog. I have recently found one post named 101 Important questions to ask yourself in life. I decided to answer the questions on my blog and maybe next year I could ask them to myself again to see if I have different answers.

  1. Who are you? I‘m 22 years old, currently in a life transition and I’m not dealing really well with it.
  2. What are you passionate about? I love to take photos and to learn new things
  3. What are the achievements you are most proud of? Having survive my high school years and graduate from university.
  4. What are you most grateful for in lifeMy family, the few friends that I have, and having the opportunity to live in this country and being able to get a college education.
  5. What are the most important things to you in life? Being happy and the persons that I love.
  6. How would you describe yourself? A negative person with a lot of ambitions.
  7. What are your values? What do you represent? What do you want to embody? My values are family, respect, courage, being honest, being kind., succeed at work.  I’m a really honest person and I can’t wait to start my career.
  8. Do you love yourself? It’s work in progress
  9. … Why or Why not? I don’t like being a negative person, and I’m not really happy with my weight. Someday I think that I’m beautiful and some days I don’t think so.
  10. How can you love yourself more today? Telling myself that I’m a good person, someday great things will happen and I am beautiful in my own way.
  11. What is your ideal self? What does it mean to be your highest self? My ideal self is confident, happy, positive, don’t complain, attentive  optimistic and don’t compare herself with other persons. To be my highest self means that I’m not longer depress and I love myself.
  12. Look at your life now. Are you living the life of your dreams? Not at all.
  13. If you have one year left to live, what would you do? Since I don’t have money, I would spend time with the persons that I love and I would appreciate to be able to take a walk and read a good book.
  14. If you have one month left to live, what would you do? Try to be positive each day.
  15. If you have one week left to live, what would you do? Wake up each morning and live the day as if it was the last day.
  16. If you have one day left to live, what would you do? Eat all that I want, hang out with my mom, and get a wonderful makeup at Lancome.
  17. If you have an hour left to live, what would you do? Tell my mom how grateful  I am for her and call my dad.
  18. If you have one minute left to live, what would you do?  Hug my mom and my dog and eat one last bite of a nice chocolate cookie.
  19. What would you do today if there is no more tomorrow? Go on a roadtrip, eat what I want and share laughs with the persons that I love.
  20. What are the biggest things you’ve learned in life to date? You won’t all get what you want.
  21. What advice would you give to yourself 3 years ago? Enjoy everyday at the university.
  22. If you are yourself 1 year from the future, how would you advise the you now? Be happy without a job and money so when you will get it, you will appreciate everything.
  23. Is there something you’re still holding on to? Is it time to let it got ? Forgive the one who did hurt me
  24. What are you busy with today? Will this matter 1 year from now? 3 years? 5 years? I’m not busy today
  25. What are your Quadrant 2 tasks? Starting my careers and meet new people.
  26. What opportunities are you looking for? Get a job in my fied and meet new friends, maybe find love.
  27. How can you create these opportunities? Don’t give up and keep looking for a job, maybe find an activity where I could meet new people.
  28. What are your biggest goals and dreams? Get a job where I can help to improve the life at work of my employee, I want to learn a lot of  things and be an expert, I want to get married and build the family life that I never had.
  29. What’s stopping you from pursuing them? …Why? How can you overcome them? I don’t have a job  yet and I’m always scare to fail.
  30. If you are to do something for free for the rest of your life, what would you want to do? Help the kids in my community who are in needs
  31. What would you do if you cannot fail; if there are no limitations in money, resources, time or networks? Be fluent in 5 language, be a manager at my workplace and open a bakery just for fun as an entrepreneur and not as a cook. I would like to run the bakery.
  32. What do you want to achieve in 1 year from now? Get the job that I want and be happy.
  33. … 3 years? I want to still have a good job, maybe visit Europe and hopefully be in a relationship.
  34. … 5 years? hopefully I will live in my own place.
  35. … 10 years? I hope to be married, succesful at work and have a baby.
  36. How important are these goals to you? Family is my main value and I would like to be succesful at my job which will be my second home.
  37. What if these goals are doubled? Tripled? Magnified by 10? How would you feel? Would you prefer to achieve these or your previous goals? If I reach all theses goals I will tell myself that I deserve it after all the hard work and I will enjoy every minute of them.
  38. Who are the people who have achieved similar goals? … What can you learn from them? I haven’t met a model with a great family life but I love Oprah and Michelle Obama, 2 succesful career woman.
  39. Are you putting any parts of your life on hold? My happiness
  40. … Why? Because I worry a lot
  41. What’s the top priority in your life right now? Getting a job
  42. What are you doing about it? Looking and looking day after day
  43. If you were to die tomorrow, what would be your biggest regret? Not have enjoyed enough of my life.
  44. For every experience you get: What are the biggest things you have learned? You can’t control everything
  45. How can you do this better the next time? Find something positive in everything even if it’s just a small thing.
  46. If you have 1 million dollars, what would you do with it?  Pay my debt, pay my mom house, give some money to my dad, buy a house on my own, then save it in the bank.
  47. Do you love your job? Don’t have a job
  48. What is your ideal career? A job where I can improve things in my workplace and use the power of the company to help my community.
  49. How can you start creating your ideal career starting today? Reading books about my career and study the english grammar to be perfectly bilingual.
  50. What is your ideal home like? Where you will find comfort
  51. What do you need to do to achieve your ideal home? Get money to buy one
  52. What is your ideal physical look? A clean skin, straight teeth and weight 110 lbs.
  53. What do you need to do to achieve your ideal physical look? exercise and eat more healthy food.
  54. What is your ideal life? Being happy, have a nice job, enough money, not too rich and a beautiful family on my own.
  55. What can you do to start living your ideal life? Try to be happy with myself
  56. What do you fear most in life? To always be unhappy
  57. Is there anything you are running away from? no
  58. Are you settling for less than you are worth? Right now yes
  59. … Why? Some persons close to me tell me to forget about my dreams of going to Europe, that I’m being a spoil brat while dreaming of designer clothes and 5 stars hotel. I should get a job whatsoever just to pay the bills.
  60. What is your inner dialoguelike? It’s a constant fight between ; my life suck and I suck too and everything will be alright, you are a cute girl and some great things will happen.
  61. What limiting beliefs are you holding on to? That I’m not good enough to get a job or a boyfriend since I never had one.
  62. Are they helping you achieve your goals? NO
  63. If not, is it time to let them go? maybe.
  64. What empowering beliefs can you take on to help you achieve your goals? I’m beautiful and smart and I deserve to succeed
  65. What bad habits do you want to break? Complaining, cutting other persons when they speak, being negative.
  66. What good habitsdo you want to cultivate? Being positive, happy and become a great listener.
  67. What’s the biggest step you can take now that will create the biggest result? Being positive and be grateful for what I have. I have the energy to wake up each morning and do what I want. 3 weeks ago, I was really sick, big migraines and I couldn’t walk, I was scare. Now I can do what I want.
  68. What would you want to say to yourself 1 year in the future? Appreciate everything and be happy
  69. … 3 years? If you have everything that you wished for, be grateful everyday.
  70. … 5 years? I hope you love your job and your life because you worked really hard to succeed.
  71. … 10 years? Be grateful to be alive and healthy, you are now 32.
  72. Where are you living right now – the past, future or present?  The present and the future.
  73. Are you living your life to the fullest right now? Not at all
  74. What is the meaning of life? Be grateful to be alive everyday because you don’t know where you will be tomorrow.
  75. What is your purpose in life? Why do you exist? What is your mission? I’m still trying to figure it out, I will write about it in a future post.
  76. How can you make your life even more meaningful starting today? Enjoy the now.
  77. What drives you? Seeing what tomorrow will bring
  78. What are the times you are most inspired, most motivated, most charged up? When I go to a job interview, when I listen to an inspiring song or movie, when I read a great quote. When I graduated, I was happy.
  79. What did you do during those times? How can you do more of that starting today?  I can start to learn more.
  80. How can you change someone’s life for the better today? Say thank you and smile.
  81. Who are the 5 people you spend the most time with? Mom, KD,
  82. Are these people enabling you or holding you back? helping me
  83. What qualities do you want to embody? (Refer to Q5: Values and Q10: Ideal Self) Where can you meet people who embody these qualities?  Positivity, creativity, generosity. I can meet them at a club where we practice a hobby, make online friends who can become real friends.
  84. Who inspire you the most? Oprah, Michelle Obama, people who started with nothing and did succeed.
  85. How can you be like them? Work hard and tell myself that I can do it and I will get what I want.
  86. What is your ideal life partner like? funny, hard-working, communicative, want a family, love to discover, honest.
  87. Where can you find him/her? don’t know
  88. How can you get to know him/her? don’t know
  89. Are you afraid of letting others get close to you? Yes
  90. … Why? I’m scare to be hurt
  91. Who are the most important people in the world to you? My friends and family
  92. Are you giving them the attention you want to give? I think
  93. How can you spend more time with them starting today? At least call them.
  94. What kind of person do you enjoy spending time around? A person who love to laugh, is honest and do not judge the others.
  95. How can you be this person to others? I can start by not being afraid to say the truth
  96. Who do you want to be like in 1 year? a happy confident person.  
  97. … 3 years?a happy confident person.  
  98. … 5 years?a happy confident person.  
  99. … 10 years?a happy confident person.  
  100. Who are your mentors in life? (formal or informal) My mom and some friends, some coworkers that I met in the past.
  101. What is one thing you’re going to do differently after reading this article? Try to be more positive and telling myself that when I’m scare of something, to go find help and learn the ways to be the best.

If you are going through hell, keep going

14 Aug

That’s a Churchill Quote that is probably saving me..

The last time I wrote here, I said that I would get through this and there was something worst but that’s just really hard. So I decided to write everything that make me sad or mad.

My Dad : He is so living in another world, he don’t give me anything and he wants to control me. He is calling me 4 times a day to ask me if I have a job. He wants me to hang out with his girlfriend and keep saying that he is not happy that I’m having debts since I have no school debts. He said that he wants me to get a job before he leaves because he will feel bad if he goes on vacations and I’m here left without a job. 

Job : I don’t have a job and I’m tired of staying at home. I’m looking everywhere and making a hundred of calls. I’m just tired of people telling me to get a job in another field and move on. I studied in human resources. Isn’t normal that I want to work in the field ?

My dog : He ate a bone a month ago and everything was fine. Then on august 1st he started to have diarrhea. I just hope he will be okay, we tried 2 different pills, a new food. I have spent 160 $ and I hope he will get better so we don’t have to operate him. I don’t have a lot of money, and I’m worried to see him like that.

Money : Well money is my main concern. I’m trying really hard to get a job on weekends so I can have money to survive but no one is calling. I applied at groceries store and at various places at the mall. I’m have now a loan of 5000 $ and I hope that I won’t have to use it all. It’s the first time that I’m really poor and that money is only used to pay my food, my transportation and my basic stuff. My mom is doing what she can, she don’t earn a lot and I can’t blame her. She was a housewife like many ladies in the world. When my father left she couldn’t get a really high paying job. Her salary is enough to pay her car, food and house. Shes does my lunch and she come to pick me up at the train station so I don’t have to pay a bus ticket. She let me take her car without paying gas. I have to pay 260 $ each 2 weeks to pay my food, my car insurance, my dog food, and all the cable-cellphone and internet that I use. My dad was giving me this money before. Tv is my only distraction and I need internet to get a job, so I won’t cut it soon. It’s the first time in my life that I’m in debt and it’s hard to not use money to buy stuff that I like or just to go out. A lot of people tell me ; who cares that you don’t have a job, your mom is there to help you. I just answer yes since I don’t want to tell my whole story.  5000 $ is not a lot, but for me it is when I never had debts in my life. I thought that I had been through enough hard things in the last 21 years that It was the time for better things. I wasn’t meant to be.

But I have my health, well partially since I have been dealing with some health issues in the last week but still I’m overall healthy and tomorrow might be a better day. I’m happy to be living in Canada and not in Somalia. I have a bedroom and a computer and I’m not homeless.

the hope for a job

14 Aug

About 3 weeks ago, I went to an interview for a really cool job. I really wanted the job. It was a permanent job and they were paying the train pass. So I went there and got home where the agency called me telling that they loved me a lot. I was the top choice and there was another interview with another person but I was the top choice.

Later in the week, I received a call that they wanted to meet again for a short interview. I would meet the boss. I was told that I was the candidate to be pick and they were taking another candidate only to show a comparison but it was the last step before getting hired.

So for the second time, I went there and the person for the interview came 40 minutes late that even the other candidate was already waiting for his interview after mine. So I went to the interview and it did last 10 minutes. They told me that I would receive the answer the next morning.

I received the call 3 days later after having left a voice message. They told me that the other guy was taken because he was more fluent and english and had more experience.

So now I don’t trust anyone even if they tell me that I’m the best candidate of the world. When I will go to my first day of work, I will believe that I have a job

Being a negative person

21 Jul

If I can make a recap of my 21 years of life, I can say that there was a lot of good moments but a lot of bad moments. People who don’t know me  say that I’m a social person and I smile a lot. I have to say that inside of my body, I have been screaming since I was 12. Almost 10 years ago.

First day that I was born, shit happened, physical hemiplegia which mean, physical therapy, surgery and more. Worst of it, the kids would always make fun of me. I was always the last to be pick in a team during the gym class. I remember that in elementary and high school, I would ask the teacher for the bathroom or water. I would go away from the class, cry a little bit, put water in my face and come back. They were just kids, but today I still hate sports. Boys can be really mean and going away because of my disability.

Then when I was 12 years old, I started my high school in a brand new city, it would be 4 years of hell. Kids would make fun of me for no reason, throwing stuff at me, taking my stuff and ruin it. Making fun that I would wear boots instead of shoes during the winter. I had 1 real friend.  Then when I was 14 years old, my dad left us. That’s where shit really happened for me. He started to scream at me for no reason, making me cry if I didn’t talk to his girlfriend on the phone, getting mad if I disagree with him. I was scare of my dad, today he still does scream, but we barely have a relationship and we don’t have a lot of discussion.

When I think about my teenage years, the only thing that I regret is that maybe I could have more friends, that’s it.

My college years weren’t easy and still today I’m struggling while looking for a job. During theses last 10 years, I went to bed a lot of time hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I wasn’t afraid of death at all.  Since last year, I go to bed always saying to myself  that tomorrow will be better and no longer I wish to not wake up. The reason is that I was getting so close to my dream of being a college graduate, and then I could get my dream job, money, everything that I wanted. Everytime that I wanted to drop out, I told myself that I would have a nice job that I like.

Then 3 months ago, college was finally over for me and I started to look for a job. I have to say I cried a lot because It’s not easy I as thought and It make me kinda depress. I worked so hard and being a post-grad is not a fairytale. Last week, 2 things might have save my future and save my life. First I was checking the Oprah website and I found a story about a guy who had it all : beauty, college, friends, and doing all kind of sports. He got in a horrible car accident who left him on a wheelchair and his mom have to take care of him, he is 28 years old. But still, he wakes up everyday and give motivational speech with his mom and she even wrote a book. Instead of waiting to died, he did choose to have a second life.  Then I read this post ”Confession of a Pessimist”, which really did open my mind.  This really got me ;

Am I happy the way I’m living? If I’m not happy, do I want to be? If so, then what needs to change? Am I choosing to stay in this cycle of depression because I feel it is a way of punishing myself for my wrong choices. […] I had to make a conscious decision in that moment to change my way of thinking and to begin again. And the most important thing I had to do in order for that to happen was to make peace with myself, my mistakes and with others. I had to change the way I viewed the past decade of my life and start looking at all it had taught me – not what I had done wrong.”

I cried when I read it because it made me think about all the bad stuff that happened and the negativity in my life. But I have to start move on or I never will. I have to forget about the kids making fun of me. If some people don’t want to talk to me, it’s their lost. I have to be smart and have discussion with my dad who will make both of us happy. I have to forgive all the mistakes that I did, all the time that I acted desperate for a boy or when I said something stupid or mean. I have to use the last 10 years to learn something and grow. Maybe I won’t have a job in the next weeks and I will have to get a loan and use my credit cards. But even if I cry, I make a lot of efforts and there is nothing that I can do about it. I will just appreciate more my job and the money. I did begin my new journey on July 20 because I love this number. I woke up being happy to breathe, to have the ac, a computer with internet so I can check the jobs, a mom and a dog.

Sure It will be hard to begin again, since you can’t become self-confident in one day, but I think that this time It will be for good. 10 years is enough. Yes I will be mad or be sad, but tomorrow will be another day and I’m fortunate for the good things that I have in my life, even if some of them aren’t good.